On the subject of females.

I believe I am rather unlucky/unfortunate. They are all taken, or lesbian. Such is my plight.

That is all, for now.

Hot damn, a problem, an explanation.



-Pineapple

Life Change

I think...That I am not cut out for Mechanical Engineering. I am seriously contemplating switching to a B.S. in Chemistry From UNCC. It seems to me like a cop-out, but I don't think I can handle that right now. Do that and get a Master's in Chemical Engineering or something of the like at State or something, but that is what I am thinking right now. What to you, oh great internet, think?

Oh, and here are the requirements.

The Required Classes.


What Those Classes Mean.


-Pineapple

Hello Internet

It's been a while hasn't it. Well, an update. You won't see me again.

That doesn't sound depressing, doesn't it. But, it's partially true. If you go to NC State, you won't see me attending classes there, at least for undergrad. I was coerced have decided to stay here in Charlotte, and get my Mechanical Engineering here. Which means I essentially wasted a semester here. Taking freaking BS Biology. I just hope to get out of that class with a C, hopefully a B now...
I don't like it, but I still need the support of my parents for a lot of things, and I was informed that that support would go away if I returned, and, I'd be practically a senior before I could matriculate, which we all know is not good. So stay here, start anew, get a job, and work myself to the bone in school. I have got to do well, it is my last chance. And I know I can do it. Do this, and maybe Go back to State for a Masters or something like that.

Once I get a job here, I will be doing my best to visit you cool peeps there at State, you level headed successes you. I haven't told my mother this yet, but I know she expects it. Hopefully, with this, I will prove to myself, and her, that I am not an utter failure. I know she doesn't really feel that, but sometimes it feels like she does.

In the meantime, I've started trading stocks. In Circuit City, Yahoo, and Wells Fargo. Ya'll have any suggestions? Places that are cheap, and may be going up within six months?



-Pineapple

La Quimica es la Vida

I realized this while washing dishes. Because I tend to think when bored and such. And I came upon the conclusion that "Chemistry is Life". Or Life is Chemistry, not too solid on the order, but yea, you should get the drift. I am making pieces up as I write this, the original thoughts will be marked with an asterisk, or an octothorpe...

1. We're organic.

*2.# Life is a series of bonds, made with people or things, and as we go through life, those bonds get broken, but like in chemistry, bonds between molecules (people) typically don't stay broken, they form new ones, with different elements. And yes, I know that life is not as clear cut as chemistry, because you don't lose one friend and gain a stronger bond with another in the same group, so you have to think of the world as the "controlled environment" that the reaction takes place in. That way "the equation is balanced".


Seriously think about it. You're friends from elementary school, if you're lucky, and had the N[2] bond, may still be together, but highly unlikely, that first bond was broken, and replaced with those in middle school. Then another reaction took place, and you where transferred to high school. Add a reaction, and you have post high-school, whether it be the job market, or College. And the process will continue, until you die. It's great if you have an N[2] bond, because I hear that is the strongest natural bond. A triple bond, only a few bacteria can do something with it, on a reaction level that is. But that's hearsay, I did not look up that info for myself.
Yep, some of the randomness I have thought of recently. And I found out another friend goes to UNCC, but I still lack the means to play more people in Magic, or Smash. :(



-Pineapple

Gravity. Or should I talk about Coulomb Forces?

Gravity, because that's what one usually associates with something heavy on the mind, or heart. But that doesn't really apply to me, because I passed the first level of physics, so gravity is behind me, and Coulombs is the new thing. It had actually yet to hit me, probably because I escaped to State last weekend, but this weekend, home was essentially unavoidable. And, so home I stayed. Except for Friday night, when I chilled with some friends and played HALO 3 for quite a few hours. It was that, or go to a Brisingr book release, which I actually really wanted to do, but caught up in Magic: The Gathering TCG. Really fun, and another thing I wish I could do more here.
It.
Is.
Boring.
Here.
I have come to realize that I am completely not used to this, the soloness of being here. At State, I was rarely alone for more than an hour or two on a weekend, and have grown very accustomed to that lifestyle. I hate being alone, probably one of the worst things in the world for me, and today, that's what happened. I figured I would try to be productive, and get some Physics homework done, but I did not understand it, tried to read the book, and went cross-eyed, and when I thought I could be confident in an answer, it turned out to be wrong. All in all, a rather unproductive session. So, I watched about 7 episodes of Rosario + Vampire, Season one, finishing it, and am looking forward to Season 2 being subbed, as well as the manga scans. That is not a well spent day. I did go to a friends house, and chilled with some for a couple of hours, but, they are church friends. And I know I am not "fit" for their company anymore. I am a heathen, according to how I have been raised, and I am not sure I really want to not be. Which puts me at further odds with myself, because now I am unsure about post mortem consequences, which I do believe in, but am not ready to "come clean". Life rather sucks to me right now. And mistakes made in Raleigh, I have to come to terms with that, and brace for the worst case senario, which seems like it will happen, and I am scared about that, too much responsibility, yet ones I must bear. I need to do Chemistry and Biology work tomorrow, as well as secure a job soon. I want/need money for revisiting State, as well as Magic, and random outings with friends. Speaking of friends, I need help making them, I don't really know how, I think, and have to be more extroverted than I am used to being with strangers, and that is a bit intimidating. My intentions are not snow white, but mainly, I just want people to hang out with on weekends, or weekend nights... Being home constantly will drive me insane. But I guess above all of that, I need to know what the hell is going on in Physics. I don't want that class to end my college career, I am not ready for it to end.


Also, to whoever reads this series of gripes and complaints, where'd you go, from the first to this one, did the topic get too sour to stay around?


-Pineapple

How I feel.

This song describes my feelings rather well right now. Not to mention it's pretty good, and I enjoy the artist. A peek into my strange musical preferences this was.


-Pineapple

Things that dashed through my mind this morning.

In no particular order.
1. I'm a dumbass.
2. I'm a leech.
3. Doesn't saving someone from a fall also kill them?
4. I am a roach.
5. I am immature, irresponsible, and unable to make it through as I currently am.
6. Visionary Underground.
7. I need to help myself so I can help others.

Now, I suppose some of these things would require explanation, as they seem rather random, and out there.

Actually, 1 and 5 rather go together. I dinged, dented the truck I drive, and did not tell my folks about it. My mom did not notice it, but my dad, who came home recently, did, and confront me about it. I can't really deny it, and really realize, that this kind of stuff is what gets me in trouble, and I obviously have not learned my lesson. I then told my mom, and she was angry, which is what I thought I was avoiding in not telling her, but I know that she is not angry about injuring the car, but not telling her, because it is hers, and I am obligated to tell her if I have accidents with property that is not mine, as well as not be so afraid of her, and what her reaction will be, to be able to accept criticism and rebuke. That is necessary for life, and can help me be better in life.

Leech, I'm just really a bad person.

I was thinking, that, when someone is freefalling, in cartoons, and superhero shows, person is falling for some reason or another, and death is guaranteed should said person hit the ground, because all of their momentum stops, and is suddenly redirected. They are caught in a "Princess" hold, or cradled or whatever, and they are caught suddenly, and immediately go from going vertically, to going horizontally. They should die anyway, since it is a last minute save.

Being at State, kinda made me accustomed to "darkness" and now that I am at home, there is "light", going to church and all. And I am rejecting it. Inwardly, and, it probably is not good for me, but I don't really care to be here, working and doing labor and getting a lot done before 1100am on a Saturday, as well as missing chilling with friends on weekend nights.

Visionary Underground is a music group, and while cutting the grass today and listening to my iPod shuffle (1st gen.) the song Champagne & Wealth came on. It got me thinking, 1. I'm not yet living life well, and 2. Even though that may be the message of the song, you can not survive as an enlightened hobo in America.

I am not the best condition. However, I enjoy helping others, and trying to assist them with their problems, or maybe I'm just noisy. But I have a lot of problems myself, is it ok for me to try to help others, when I am so messed up myself?


-Pineapple

Adding Yeast, for Levity.

So, as of late, my blogs have been serious, and as some say, depressing. And with good reason, if you've read them, there truly is a lot going on, as well as on my mind, and, yes, I was venting, to you dear internet, because, you will take my abuse, and are an excellent way for me to get my true feelings out in a manner that would be detrimental to my existence should I do what I did in real life.
But in general, I am not at all that serious, I probably should be, but it is not really my nature, or nurture, depending upon your beliefs, or emotions at the time.

I started this one with hopes of saying something witty, or funny, but lack the "juice" to do so. I don't know what's wrong. Oh well, when something worthwhile strikes me, I'll be sure to post.


-Pineapple

Getting more personal than I would have liked.

Well, last night I saw Death Race, and I liked it a lot, I thought it was well done, and superbly executed. However, when I came home, I went to my computer, and well, just sat here. It kinda hit me then. There's nothing for me to do. I am alone here. And I guess that is what I knew, subconsciously for a while, until, completely alone, with nothing but Ronald Jenkees playing in the background that there really is nothing for me to do. I get bored easily, and with school not fully fired up yet, I have just wound up doing the, essentially, same stuff, over and over again. And that get monotonous. I miss the spontaneity of State, and a lot of the random things I could do on campus with friends. I looked through my contacts list last night, and felt that I could not call anyone, they all belong in what may as well be a different dimension. No one to really turn to. The few friends I have here all have lives, or don't have a means to just get up and go somewhere. I may just wind up having to get a degree at Charlotte, but I am still wanting to hold out for State. I'm thinking I should just cut my losses, I'll be too far behind anyway, but I really don't want to. Or mentally can't. And that's an issue that has been brought up many a time, me being immature, and not giving up on the lost cause that is State. But I don't feel I can. Doing that may help me out, in growing, but I won't stop trying, because this feeling simply sucks. Here I will work, and study, and get into better habits. Take a few credit hours, and see if State will have me back. I have to go there, it seems. In order for me not to go insane. And, I KNOW I am blowing this out of proportion, that not going there is not going to kill me, but I really just don't feel right here. I cannot get over that feeling. Sure, it may mean that I am immature, and if that is what it is, so be it. I am immature. I've been called that a lot, and I won't let it get to me. I wasted my time there once, and if I get back, I know how not to do that. I am meant for college, and I will get an engineering degree. I would prefer, and love to get one from NCSU, but if there is no way I can get one from there, then I would be willing to get one from UNCC.

I guess I also need stock market help, so if you know how to do that, and are savvy, and willing to get me savvy-ish as well, that would be appreciated.

Update

The benevolent overbeing says that, if I get a job, I may visit my friends.

My current state of affairs.

Well, the final nail is in the coffin, and things are finalized. The verdict being: "I am unhappy with my life right now". That is not saying I am in complete and total shambles, but where I am. And to you shapeless internet reading this, as a hope to pry into my inner thoughts, my sacred sanctum, I will release this shocker of information. I knew I was not going to be back. In the fine print of a loan, it said to pay back what does not go to the school of origination. So, I am sorry for those I deceived, as myself was deceived for a time. I tried, maybe not my hardest, and from the get go, but I put effort into it. So now that my fate is sealed, and I am bound to Charlotte, I will make the best of the situation. I will start by getting a job. And I know I had been applying earlier, but I had held out on one key contact, at least until I came back from my State visit. And now, since that will NOT happen in the Fall, I have called, and got the ball rolling, I hope to be employed within 2 weeks. Maybe, just maybe, I can get parole for good behavior(grades), and have a visit in the Spring, but I am, for once, not optimistic about the situation. Mother dearest may not see the importance in me seeing my wolf friends. I know if you don't know me, this is a VERY confusing and random entry, as it really is meant for only a few people, cryptically loquaciously encoded with double meanings and undertones. Or not. But for those who understand the true depth of this stream of consciousness, I am sorry for what I have done, and would like nothing more than to fix it all, and make it better.

-Pineapple

On Academics

Well, it is school time once again, and I, unfortunately am not where I want to be. The optimal place would be NCSU, but I am at UNCC, because of a series of dumb and stupid decisions and actions on my part. I, albeit too late, am trying to right the shtuff I did wrong, and be a better person/student. Man, I sound like a politician now huh? Oh well, it is what is going on, and I am going to prove to my mom, and mostly myself, that I have what it takes to be a successful college student. She has been doubting that recently, and I don't really like that. My plan is to throw the A's in her face like YAHH TRICK, YAHH! And hopefully get her change some of her mind about where I go, because, I really don't see much for me here. Granted, I know UNCC is a good school, it's just not where I feel right at. And I guess it's more of an environmental thing, what to do while not busting my tail with scholastic advancements. So, I will suffer, and in suffering, know that I can change my situation by hard work, and doing what I need to, early. Not just "timely", but as soon as I get the assignment, go back, and diligently work on it, and anything that I do. Yep, that sounds preachy and all, but quite accurate, so I'm sticking with it. Oh yea, and if any of you wants to assist me in my dream, $6200 is awesome. And I promise to get it back to you. When, I honestly cannot say, but it would be after college. After I get out, or, God forbid, am removed from it. But that is my random shot in the dark. Either way, I will take this dark situation, and try to make the best of it.

Ironic

Funny, just stumbled upon this Addiction.

I thought it was Timely.

What to say?

I really don't know, I had plans for this post earlier, but then went to Orientation, and forgot what I had intended to say, so I guess I'll go with a stream of consciousness feel with this one...

I like music. A lot. Well, when I think about it, it may not just be music, but noise that makes sense. That has a meaning to it, a bit of purpose. Not things similar to white noise, to me, it's just not enough, an insubstantial annoyance. Music, or talk radio. I, a college student, realize I do not get enough news, so now that I am home, I am making the effort to listen to more NPR, even scratchy voiced Diane [*sp] Rheame. I am picking up tidbits here and there, working on becoming a better and more informed American. But I still don't really care as much as I should. Back to music... The chill stuff is what I prefer, things that do not need words to draw good feelings. And I find a lot of it, and I like it. People say I'm a chill guy, and then listen to my music, and say, "Oh, I see why." But, why do I have to be chill based off of my music, why can't I be inherently chill, and draw the chill music to me as an outlet of my internal chillness? Silly assumptions.

Man. I'm home, and this sucks. I'd rather be back at NCSU, but I did not do enough. And with that, I give a former place. Should you know where it is. I do plan on going back, and hopefully doing it right this time, and actually stay until graduation. Well, time to do something else. I kinda hate writing, but that's for another blog. Oh, and I guess IF anyone reads these, what would you want to hear about? I don't know if I should give the internet that freedom, but I am, so shoot.

The first, unoriginal, I know

But, it sums up the feeling and scope of this thing. My first post. A beginning of a journey, and one that I will allow you to view.

I don't like my situation, and if you have a time machine, that'd be great, but that is for a later post.

I like to use stumbleupon.com, and think it's great. I listen to foreign music, or at least music with a distinctive unAmerican flair. I just don't really like a lot of the stuff that's being pumped out here these days, but I guess that's for a later time as well. I essentially started this for a site that I "stumbledupon".

http://www.howmanygoats.com/

It's funny, and cool, and rated me 10/10. I think it's lying, but oh well.

If you comment, I may add more stuff, because I do think a lot, about different things in my life, and I guess I would like to be heard. Ah vell! I'll post again when the urge strikes me