Recreational Friends

What are recreational friends? To me, at the moment, they are friends one/I can have fun with. And, I don't mean carnal fun. I mean hanging out with. People I feel comfortable cutting loose and acting a fool with. Someone, some ones who I can be mostly free with, and not really worry about their impression of me, or, feeling I have to watch myself with them. And honestly, I had some great ones, but I left them in Raleigh. Now there are some cool people here at UNCC, but, I feel the need for more. More guys and, even more so, girls to chill with. I miss the fun I would have every weekend. And, I know life is not about fun, the real world will not be parties every night, and free and clear, so I guess that's why I am trying to live it up now, within reason, so that all of these shenanigans will be out of my system, and I can relax, and be a relatively boring, but responsible adult.

I don't know. All I feel right now, is, I need more friends where I am.

This blog took a rather different direction than I had first envisioned. Maybe the next one will listen better.

This semester

Will be extremely tough. Languages are fun, but they require study, and attention. Of course, school does too, but I guess I'm thinking of some sort of facerolling major. Which, I can't think of ATM. And, of course, this is something I needed to be doing all along, but that is beside the point. I plan to do better, try harder than before, mainly because I enjoy what I am doing. And I'm hoping that that will motivate me to do well. And, I will be cutting out 1 distraction, World of Warcraft. Fortunately, I still have xbox! And, well, would also like another distraction. But, that would be another blog for another time, possibly never. I wanna have maybe, something to myself. And some of my closer friends know what it is already.

Spanish, Japanese, and Anthropology. That is my semester, and cause for internal rifts. Because, I know, and have been told, with a major in pure Spanish, getting a job, well, will be difficult. It is more of a complimentary major, and I am being pushed to switch back to Engineering. I do enjoy Engineering, but, I want to get out of school. And if I do Engineering, it would be a while before that could happen. But I also want a good job after I get out.

Maybe I'll graduate, and if I don't get a job, skip the country and teach Spanish in Japan.

Yea, that sounds like a good plan.

I just don't know what to do.

And this is not even talking about my female issues. Or, rather, lack thereof.

=\

It's been a while.

A long while. And, in case anyone was using this to see if I am alive, well, you may be crazy. But we all need crazy people. They see things in a way that we would not, so in that respect, useful.

I have gone completely off subject. But, things are going along. I'm still making mistakes and being generally stupid as...Umm... sticking your tongue in a socket. Yea, that is an appropriate level of idiocy.

Still single, and what is weirding to me is, while I'm still not fine with it, I don't think having simply fun is as on my mind as much. Maybe it's me settling down, maybe it's me coping. I'm not sure, but, I'll just go with it.

If you're out there, checking my e-vitals, I'm here, and hope to talk on here more, thanks for waiting for me.

In the meantime, grab a bag of Shenanigans, and go for the Platinum alloy.

The Passion of the Pines

I find that a bit funny, at least a little bit, because I believe I have no passion, about anything. You may think that is impossible, but I am quite sure that I do not. I have not much drive for anything, to be specialized in any field. I guess I'll have to say what passion is for me. Passion would be liking something, or wanting something. And then having the urge, the drive, the discipline to act on it. To go out and learn about it, to gain more information about it, and begin to form ones own educated opinions about the subject. To become a small professional about the subject. There are lots of things that I like, and want. But I find I don't really have the drive, I am not passionate enough about them to do something about it. I have friends who have passions, everyone around me seems to have one, or more, and I can see it in their faces, hear it in their voice when they talk about that subject. And I wonder, what am I missing, what do I not have that they do, where did I go wrong?
I can't answer that. But, I think I am ok with my lack of passion. It does make me feel aimless, which I may be, but, I'll figure something out. Probably.

And the blog feels cut short. I lost my train of thought about halfway through. Taxes, and my super-slow comp on the mind.




-Pineapple

A new direction/Needs and wants.

Curse the new president for ruining the word, but things have got to change. For me, personally. I honestly am not worried about the macro scale of things, I just know that things have got to change on a "micro" level, on my own personal level. I don't know what time this blog thing is on, but I am writing this at 0451 EST. I don't really feel sleepy, but I was, about 2 hours ago. Then my mother came and woke me up, complaining about how I am, and basically that I slept, played HALO, and went to bed, without doing the dishes. That was at 0320. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't, so I got up, went downstairs and did the dishes, and straightened up the kitchen a bit. But, back to change, and I guess the best way for me to go about it is to make the list, the other part of the title for this entry.

I want to do well in school.
I need to do my homework.
I want to have fun.
I need to do well in school.
I need to stop playing so many games.
I want to have more of a social life.
I need a job.
I [feel] I need to get out of this house. {That's probably more of a want.}
I want a significant other.
I need to focus.
I need to be more responsible.
I need to grow up.
I need to follow the rules of were I am. {Which is currently with my family.}
I need to do undergraduate research.

There are things getting in the way of some of those. Some are things that are difficult to change, some are near impossible for me, but I don't believe it is completely impossible, so do them I will try my best to.

And I think, one of the major inhibitors, at this point in time, is World of Warcraft. So, I have canceled payment to my account, and the last day I will be able to play will be 2/15. I plan to stop, personally, well before then. I may log on a few more times, and tell the friends I have made there goodbye. And then I will actually erase the folder from my computer, forcing me to not play. If I want to again, I will have to sit through over 10 gigs of downloads on a wireless connection. Thanks, but no thanks, it should not be that worth it to me. With Warcraft gone, I think I will have no choice BUT to focus more on schoolwork. This semester, I think is going to be the most challenging for me yet, and I am determined to get through it, and with passing grades in all of my classes. I am quite certain I can do it, but it is going to require a lot of time outside of class doing class related things, something that I never did too well, which caused me to return to Charlotte in the first place.
I'm not a kid anymore, I just can't sit idly by, and let life direct me. Sure, I believe I am simply in a boat, floating down Life's river, but, I have oars in my hand, and I will make damn sure that I direct myself down the path that is not leading to the waterfall, ending in bone-splitting rocks. I have already had a setback, and should not, will not tolerate any more. I don't need to, I can do better. So I will. I will prove to myself, my mother, and everyone around me that I can do it. That I will make something useful, and productive of myself.

It will happen, just you wait.

It is 0512, as I end this.





-Pineapple

Once again into the mind of Pines.

Happy new year, and Merry Christmas. It's been a while hasn't it Internet? I would agree it has. I blame it on WoW, which, as many of you know, takes over ones life. Why am I not playing now? Because I have commissioned a friend to play for me, to regain motivation to play my main. I guess, I am "grounding" myself from WoW. Oh, and if you do not yet know what that is, it is World of Warcraft. A rather fun, and intriguing online computer game. And I have also recieved an Xbox 360. The world conspires against my schooling, and what a time to do it too! Since this semester I am taking Organic Chemistry 1, and I don't know if you have heard horror stories, but I'm pretty sure this class is the sole source of 17.6248% of Asian student suicide, so it is a dagnam beast. And, I am returning to the genre of class I hate, what at State is called humanities, and here, at UNCC, is called Liberal Studies. Taking a music studies course, and a course on Hinduism. Which is wierd, because what I signed up for was "Global Connections". Not sure what happened in the world, but I had no idea that Global Connections=Study of Hinduism. But oh well, I will go, and roll with the punches, and what they throw at me. This first week was rocky, mainly because I don't have all my books, but they should all be here by Monday, and I will be ready to own and destroy the semester. I am a bit worried about my Basic engineering class, because there is a writing assignment, due in six weeks, with which I will have to put in a lot of thought, time, and research. And that is just not me. It is bad enough that I have to write, for 2 other classes, but, again, I cannot do anything but persevere, and do my work.
My plan is to get Straight A's this semester. And to hang out with a lot more Asians... Ok, maybe not so much the second part. It would be awesome, and I might get smarter, but I feel socially awkward, and would not know how to operate. I am very self conscious, and a people pleaser. I like to make people happy, and don't know how to meet new people. I am afraid to go out there and introduce myself. It's just something I'll have to get over. Or suffer forever with.

Oh yea, And get a job, that's really freaking high on the list too. As well as...some other...stuff.

Alright Internet, I think that is all for now. I will take my leave, and hope to return you sooner than I previously had.



-Pineapple

Getting more personal than I would have liked.

Well, last night I saw Death Race, and I liked it a lot, I thought it was well done, and superbly executed. However, when I came home, I went to my computer, and well, just sat here. It kinda hit me then. There's nothing for me to do. I am alone here. And I guess that is what I knew, subconsciously for a while, until, completely alone, with nothing but Ronald Jenkees playing in the background that there really is nothing for me to do. I get bored easily, and with school not fully fired up yet, I have just wound up doing the, essentially, same stuff, over and over again. And that get monotonous. I miss the spontaneity of State, and a lot of the random things I could do on campus with friends. I looked through my contacts list last night, and felt that I could not call anyone, they all belong in what may as well be a different dimension. No one to really turn to. The few friends I have here all have lives, or don't have a means to just get up and go somewhere. I may just wind up having to get a degree at Charlotte, but I am still wanting to hold out for State. I'm thinking I should just cut my losses, I'll be too far behind anyway, but I really don't want to. Or mentally can't. And that's an issue that has been brought up many a time, me being immature, and not giving up on the lost cause that is State. But I don't feel I can. Doing that may help me out, in growing, but I won't stop trying, because this feeling simply sucks. Here I will work, and study, and get into better habits. Take a few credit hours, and see if State will have me back. I have to go there, it seems. In order for me not to go insane. And, I KNOW I am blowing this out of proportion, that not going there is not going to kill me, but I really just don't feel right here. I cannot get over that feeling. Sure, it may mean that I am immature, and if that is what it is, so be it. I am immature. I've been called that a lot, and I won't let it get to me. I wasted my time there once, and if I get back, I know how not to do that. I am meant for college, and I will get an engineering degree. I would prefer, and love to get one from NCSU, but if there is no way I can get one from there, then I would be willing to get one from UNCC.

I guess I also need stock market help, so if you know how to do that, and are savvy, and willing to get me savvy-ish as well, that would be appreciated.