Recreational Friends

What are recreational friends? To me, at the moment, they are friends one/I can have fun with. And, I don't mean carnal fun. I mean hanging out with. People I feel comfortable cutting loose and acting a fool with. Someone, some ones who I can be mostly free with, and not really worry about their impression of me, or, feeling I have to watch myself with them. And honestly, I had some great ones, but I left them in Raleigh. Now there are some cool people here at UNCC, but, I feel the need for more. More guys and, even more so, girls to chill with. I miss the fun I would have every weekend. And, I know life is not about fun, the real world will not be parties every night, and free and clear, so I guess that's why I am trying to live it up now, within reason, so that all of these shenanigans will be out of my system, and I can relax, and be a relatively boring, but responsible adult.

I don't know. All I feel right now, is, I need more friends where I am.

This blog took a rather different direction than I had first envisioned. Maybe the next one will listen better.

This semester

Will be extremely tough. Languages are fun, but they require study, and attention. Of course, school does too, but I guess I'm thinking of some sort of facerolling major. Which, I can't think of ATM. And, of course, this is something I needed to be doing all along, but that is beside the point. I plan to do better, try harder than before, mainly because I enjoy what I am doing. And I'm hoping that that will motivate me to do well. And, I will be cutting out 1 distraction, World of Warcraft. Fortunately, I still have xbox! And, well, would also like another distraction. But, that would be another blog for another time, possibly never. I wanna have maybe, something to myself. And some of my closer friends know what it is already.

Spanish, Japanese, and Anthropology. That is my semester, and cause for internal rifts. Because, I know, and have been told, with a major in pure Spanish, getting a job, well, will be difficult. It is more of a complimentary major, and I am being pushed to switch back to Engineering. I do enjoy Engineering, but, I want to get out of school. And if I do Engineering, it would be a while before that could happen. But I also want a good job after I get out.

Maybe I'll graduate, and if I don't get a job, skip the country and teach Spanish in Japan.

Yea, that sounds like a good plan.

I just don't know what to do.

And this is not even talking about my female issues. Or, rather, lack thereof.

=\

A new direction/Needs and wants.

Curse the new president for ruining the word, but things have got to change. For me, personally. I honestly am not worried about the macro scale of things, I just know that things have got to change on a "micro" level, on my own personal level. I don't know what time this blog thing is on, but I am writing this at 0451 EST. I don't really feel sleepy, but I was, about 2 hours ago. Then my mother came and woke me up, complaining about how I am, and basically that I slept, played HALO, and went to bed, without doing the dishes. That was at 0320. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't, so I got up, went downstairs and did the dishes, and straightened up the kitchen a bit. But, back to change, and I guess the best way for me to go about it is to make the list, the other part of the title for this entry.

I want to do well in school.
I need to do my homework.
I want to have fun.
I need to do well in school.
I need to stop playing so many games.
I want to have more of a social life.
I need a job.
I [feel] I need to get out of this house. {That's probably more of a want.}
I want a significant other.
I need to focus.
I need to be more responsible.
I need to grow up.
I need to follow the rules of were I am. {Which is currently with my family.}
I need to do undergraduate research.

There are things getting in the way of some of those. Some are things that are difficult to change, some are near impossible for me, but I don't believe it is completely impossible, so do them I will try my best to.

And I think, one of the major inhibitors, at this point in time, is World of Warcraft. So, I have canceled payment to my account, and the last day I will be able to play will be 2/15. I plan to stop, personally, well before then. I may log on a few more times, and tell the friends I have made there goodbye. And then I will actually erase the folder from my computer, forcing me to not play. If I want to again, I will have to sit through over 10 gigs of downloads on a wireless connection. Thanks, but no thanks, it should not be that worth it to me. With Warcraft gone, I think I will have no choice BUT to focus more on schoolwork. This semester, I think is going to be the most challenging for me yet, and I am determined to get through it, and with passing grades in all of my classes. I am quite certain I can do it, but it is going to require a lot of time outside of class doing class related things, something that I never did too well, which caused me to return to Charlotte in the first place.
I'm not a kid anymore, I just can't sit idly by, and let life direct me. Sure, I believe I am simply in a boat, floating down Life's river, but, I have oars in my hand, and I will make damn sure that I direct myself down the path that is not leading to the waterfall, ending in bone-splitting rocks. I have already had a setback, and should not, will not tolerate any more. I don't need to, I can do better. So I will. I will prove to myself, my mother, and everyone around me that I can do it. That I will make something useful, and productive of myself.

It will happen, just you wait.

It is 0512, as I end this.





-Pineapple

Once again into the mind of Pines.

Happy new year, and Merry Christmas. It's been a while hasn't it Internet? I would agree it has. I blame it on WoW, which, as many of you know, takes over ones life. Why am I not playing now? Because I have commissioned a friend to play for me, to regain motivation to play my main. I guess, I am "grounding" myself from WoW. Oh, and if you do not yet know what that is, it is World of Warcraft. A rather fun, and intriguing online computer game. And I have also recieved an Xbox 360. The world conspires against my schooling, and what a time to do it too! Since this semester I am taking Organic Chemistry 1, and I don't know if you have heard horror stories, but I'm pretty sure this class is the sole source of 17.6248% of Asian student suicide, so it is a dagnam beast. And, I am returning to the genre of class I hate, what at State is called humanities, and here, at UNCC, is called Liberal Studies. Taking a music studies course, and a course on Hinduism. Which is wierd, because what I signed up for was "Global Connections". Not sure what happened in the world, but I had no idea that Global Connections=Study of Hinduism. But oh well, I will go, and roll with the punches, and what they throw at me. This first week was rocky, mainly because I don't have all my books, but they should all be here by Monday, and I will be ready to own and destroy the semester. I am a bit worried about my Basic engineering class, because there is a writing assignment, due in six weeks, with which I will have to put in a lot of thought, time, and research. And that is just not me. It is bad enough that I have to write, for 2 other classes, but, again, I cannot do anything but persevere, and do my work.
My plan is to get Straight A's this semester. And to hang out with a lot more Asians... Ok, maybe not so much the second part. It would be awesome, and I might get smarter, but I feel socially awkward, and would not know how to operate. I am very self conscious, and a people pleaser. I like to make people happy, and don't know how to meet new people. I am afraid to go out there and introduce myself. It's just something I'll have to get over. Or suffer forever with.

Oh yea, And get a job, that's really freaking high on the list too. As well as...some other...stuff.

Alright Internet, I think that is all for now. I will take my leave, and hope to return you sooner than I previously had.



-Pineapple

Life Change

I think...That I am not cut out for Mechanical Engineering. I am seriously contemplating switching to a B.S. in Chemistry From UNCC. It seems to me like a cop-out, but I don't think I can handle that right now. Do that and get a Master's in Chemical Engineering or something of the like at State or something, but that is what I am thinking right now. What to you, oh great internet, think?

Oh, and here are the requirements.

The Required Classes.


What Those Classes Mean.


-Pineapple

Hello Internet

It's been a while hasn't it. Well, an update. You won't see me again.

That doesn't sound depressing, doesn't it. But, it's partially true. If you go to NC State, you won't see me attending classes there, at least for undergrad. I was coerced have decided to stay here in Charlotte, and get my Mechanical Engineering here. Which means I essentially wasted a semester here. Taking freaking BS Biology. I just hope to get out of that class with a C, hopefully a B now...
I don't like it, but I still need the support of my parents for a lot of things, and I was informed that that support would go away if I returned, and, I'd be practically a senior before I could matriculate, which we all know is not good. So stay here, start anew, get a job, and work myself to the bone in school. I have got to do well, it is my last chance. And I know I can do it. Do this, and maybe Go back to State for a Masters or something like that.

Once I get a job here, I will be doing my best to visit you cool peeps there at State, you level headed successes you. I haven't told my mother this yet, but I know she expects it. Hopefully, with this, I will prove to myself, and her, that I am not an utter failure. I know she doesn't really feel that, but sometimes it feels like she does.

In the meantime, I've started trading stocks. In Circuit City, Yahoo, and Wells Fargo. Ya'll have any suggestions? Places that are cheap, and may be going up within six months?



-Pineapple

Gravity. Or should I talk about Coulomb Forces?

Gravity, because that's what one usually associates with something heavy on the mind, or heart. But that doesn't really apply to me, because I passed the first level of physics, so gravity is behind me, and Coulombs is the new thing. It had actually yet to hit me, probably because I escaped to State last weekend, but this weekend, home was essentially unavoidable. And, so home I stayed. Except for Friday night, when I chilled with some friends and played HALO 3 for quite a few hours. It was that, or go to a Brisingr book release, which I actually really wanted to do, but caught up in Magic: The Gathering TCG. Really fun, and another thing I wish I could do more here.
It.
Is.
Boring.
Here.
I have come to realize that I am completely not used to this, the soloness of being here. At State, I was rarely alone for more than an hour or two on a weekend, and have grown very accustomed to that lifestyle. I hate being alone, probably one of the worst things in the world for me, and today, that's what happened. I figured I would try to be productive, and get some Physics homework done, but I did not understand it, tried to read the book, and went cross-eyed, and when I thought I could be confident in an answer, it turned out to be wrong. All in all, a rather unproductive session. So, I watched about 7 episodes of Rosario + Vampire, Season one, finishing it, and am looking forward to Season 2 being subbed, as well as the manga scans. That is not a well spent day. I did go to a friends house, and chilled with some for a couple of hours, but, they are church friends. And I know I am not "fit" for their company anymore. I am a heathen, according to how I have been raised, and I am not sure I really want to not be. Which puts me at further odds with myself, because now I am unsure about post mortem consequences, which I do believe in, but am not ready to "come clean". Life rather sucks to me right now. And mistakes made in Raleigh, I have to come to terms with that, and brace for the worst case senario, which seems like it will happen, and I am scared about that, too much responsibility, yet ones I must bear. I need to do Chemistry and Biology work tomorrow, as well as secure a job soon. I want/need money for revisiting State, as well as Magic, and random outings with friends. Speaking of friends, I need help making them, I don't really know how, I think, and have to be more extroverted than I am used to being with strangers, and that is a bit intimidating. My intentions are not snow white, but mainly, I just want people to hang out with on weekends, or weekend nights... Being home constantly will drive me insane. But I guess above all of that, I need to know what the hell is going on in Physics. I don't want that class to end my college career, I am not ready for it to end.


Also, to whoever reads this series of gripes and complaints, where'd you go, from the first to this one, did the topic get too sour to stay around?


-Pineapple

Getting more personal than I would have liked.

Well, last night I saw Death Race, and I liked it a lot, I thought it was well done, and superbly executed. However, when I came home, I went to my computer, and well, just sat here. It kinda hit me then. There's nothing for me to do. I am alone here. And I guess that is what I knew, subconsciously for a while, until, completely alone, with nothing but Ronald Jenkees playing in the background that there really is nothing for me to do. I get bored easily, and with school not fully fired up yet, I have just wound up doing the, essentially, same stuff, over and over again. And that get monotonous. I miss the spontaneity of State, and a lot of the random things I could do on campus with friends. I looked through my contacts list last night, and felt that I could not call anyone, they all belong in what may as well be a different dimension. No one to really turn to. The few friends I have here all have lives, or don't have a means to just get up and go somewhere. I may just wind up having to get a degree at Charlotte, but I am still wanting to hold out for State. I'm thinking I should just cut my losses, I'll be too far behind anyway, but I really don't want to. Or mentally can't. And that's an issue that has been brought up many a time, me being immature, and not giving up on the lost cause that is State. But I don't feel I can. Doing that may help me out, in growing, but I won't stop trying, because this feeling simply sucks. Here I will work, and study, and get into better habits. Take a few credit hours, and see if State will have me back. I have to go there, it seems. In order for me not to go insane. And, I KNOW I am blowing this out of proportion, that not going there is not going to kill me, but I really just don't feel right here. I cannot get over that feeling. Sure, it may mean that I am immature, and if that is what it is, so be it. I am immature. I've been called that a lot, and I won't let it get to me. I wasted my time there once, and if I get back, I know how not to do that. I am meant for college, and I will get an engineering degree. I would prefer, and love to get one from NCSU, but if there is no way I can get one from there, then I would be willing to get one from UNCC.

I guess I also need stock market help, so if you know how to do that, and are savvy, and willing to get me savvy-ish as well, that would be appreciated.

My current state of affairs.

Well, the final nail is in the coffin, and things are finalized. The verdict being: "I am unhappy with my life right now". That is not saying I am in complete and total shambles, but where I am. And to you shapeless internet reading this, as a hope to pry into my inner thoughts, my sacred sanctum, I will release this shocker of information. I knew I was not going to be back. In the fine print of a loan, it said to pay back what does not go to the school of origination. So, I am sorry for those I deceived, as myself was deceived for a time. I tried, maybe not my hardest, and from the get go, but I put effort into it. So now that my fate is sealed, and I am bound to Charlotte, I will make the best of the situation. I will start by getting a job. And I know I had been applying earlier, but I had held out on one key contact, at least until I came back from my State visit. And now, since that will NOT happen in the Fall, I have called, and got the ball rolling, I hope to be employed within 2 weeks. Maybe, just maybe, I can get parole for good behavior(grades), and have a visit in the Spring, but I am, for once, not optimistic about the situation. Mother dearest may not see the importance in me seeing my wolf friends. I know if you don't know me, this is a VERY confusing and random entry, as it really is meant for only a few people, cryptically loquaciously encoded with double meanings and undertones. Or not. But for those who understand the true depth of this stream of consciousness, I am sorry for what I have done, and would like nothing more than to fix it all, and make it better.

-Pineapple

On Academics

Well, it is school time once again, and I, unfortunately am not where I want to be. The optimal place would be NCSU, but I am at UNCC, because of a series of dumb and stupid decisions and actions on my part. I, albeit too late, am trying to right the shtuff I did wrong, and be a better person/student. Man, I sound like a politician now huh? Oh well, it is what is going on, and I am going to prove to my mom, and mostly myself, that I have what it takes to be a successful college student. She has been doubting that recently, and I don't really like that. My plan is to throw the A's in her face like YAHH TRICK, YAHH! And hopefully get her change some of her mind about where I go, because, I really don't see much for me here. Granted, I know UNCC is a good school, it's just not where I feel right at. And I guess it's more of an environmental thing, what to do while not busting my tail with scholastic advancements. So, I will suffer, and in suffering, know that I can change my situation by hard work, and doing what I need to, early. Not just "timely", but as soon as I get the assignment, go back, and diligently work on it, and anything that I do. Yep, that sounds preachy and all, but quite accurate, so I'm sticking with it. Oh yea, and if any of you wants to assist me in my dream, $6200 is awesome. And I promise to get it back to you. When, I honestly cannot say, but it would be after college. After I get out, or, God forbid, am removed from it. But that is my random shot in the dark. Either way, I will take this dark situation, and try to make the best of it.