Recreational Friends

What are recreational friends? To me, at the moment, they are friends one/I can have fun with. And, I don't mean carnal fun. I mean hanging out with. People I feel comfortable cutting loose and acting a fool with. Someone, some ones who I can be mostly free with, and not really worry about their impression of me, or, feeling I have to watch myself with them. And honestly, I had some great ones, but I left them in Raleigh. Now there are some cool people here at UNCC, but, I feel the need for more. More guys and, even more so, girls to chill with. I miss the fun I would have every weekend. And, I know life is not about fun, the real world will not be parties every night, and free and clear, so I guess that's why I am trying to live it up now, within reason, so that all of these shenanigans will be out of my system, and I can relax, and be a relatively boring, but responsible adult.

I don't know. All I feel right now, is, I need more friends where I am.

This blog took a rather different direction than I had first envisioned. Maybe the next one will listen better.

Thinking while Speeding

As I was hurtling through space time at a relative speed of 75 miles per hour per second, (relative, because not factoring in the speed of earth's spin, nor it's rotation around the earth, or even, the apparent expansion of the galaxies) a thought happened in my brain. Not really sure what I was thinking about to get to this particular end game, but it produced the quote:

"Love helps things last, lust keeps things interesting"

And I starting thinking about it, validating it, trying to invalidate it. And, I think , generally, at least, >50% of the time, it is a solid statement. Well, it should be said, this really, at least, in my eyes, applies to relationships, of a romantic basis. And, I figure things go in this general mold.

It all starts with Lust. At least in my eyes, because that's how I tend to view the world. It's all lust, to get you to initiate conversation, that keeps you interested. At least, in the beginning. Then, things either go platonic, or how you "want" it to go, and heads towards romance. Either way, you get to know the person, and if things do go to romance, you either stay in lust, or "graduate" to love. And I know this is all scrambled, but I don't think clearly half the time. Now, when in love, you try to make it work, and hopefully the love goes both ways. And while love is a strong force, in my world, the world of Pines, that can't really be the main, the driving factor. I think that it could, but my world experience, or lack thereof, says that that cannot be ones sole substance. Me, so I project this on others, have to remain interested, and lust is a tool for that. If you lust after the one you love, Things could go that much further. But, if a relationship is built solely on lust, eventually, one MAY find something more interesting, and go on. So you need both, in my eyes.

This makes no sense, but I would like to know what you think on it.

The Passion of the Pines

I find that a bit funny, at least a little bit, because I believe I have no passion, about anything. You may think that is impossible, but I am quite sure that I do not. I have not much drive for anything, to be specialized in any field. I guess I'll have to say what passion is for me. Passion would be liking something, or wanting something. And then having the urge, the drive, the discipline to act on it. To go out and learn about it, to gain more information about it, and begin to form ones own educated opinions about the subject. To become a small professional about the subject. There are lots of things that I like, and want. But I find I don't really have the drive, I am not passionate enough about them to do something about it. I have friends who have passions, everyone around me seems to have one, or more, and I can see it in their faces, hear it in their voice when they talk about that subject. And I wonder, what am I missing, what do I not have that they do, where did I go wrong?
I can't answer that. But, I think I am ok with my lack of passion. It does make me feel aimless, which I may be, but, I'll figure something out. Probably.

And the blog feels cut short. I lost my train of thought about halfway through. Taxes, and my super-slow comp on the mind.




-Pineapple

A new direction/Needs and wants.

Curse the new president for ruining the word, but things have got to change. For me, personally. I honestly am not worried about the macro scale of things, I just know that things have got to change on a "micro" level, on my own personal level. I don't know what time this blog thing is on, but I am writing this at 0451 EST. I don't really feel sleepy, but I was, about 2 hours ago. Then my mother came and woke me up, complaining about how I am, and basically that I slept, played HALO, and went to bed, without doing the dishes. That was at 0320. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't, so I got up, went downstairs and did the dishes, and straightened up the kitchen a bit. But, back to change, and I guess the best way for me to go about it is to make the list, the other part of the title for this entry.

I want to do well in school.
I need to do my homework.
I want to have fun.
I need to do well in school.
I need to stop playing so many games.
I want to have more of a social life.
I need a job.
I [feel] I need to get out of this house. {That's probably more of a want.}
I want a significant other.
I need to focus.
I need to be more responsible.
I need to grow up.
I need to follow the rules of were I am. {Which is currently with my family.}
I need to do undergraduate research.

There are things getting in the way of some of those. Some are things that are difficult to change, some are near impossible for me, but I don't believe it is completely impossible, so do them I will try my best to.

And I think, one of the major inhibitors, at this point in time, is World of Warcraft. So, I have canceled payment to my account, and the last day I will be able to play will be 2/15. I plan to stop, personally, well before then. I may log on a few more times, and tell the friends I have made there goodbye. And then I will actually erase the folder from my computer, forcing me to not play. If I want to again, I will have to sit through over 10 gigs of downloads on a wireless connection. Thanks, but no thanks, it should not be that worth it to me. With Warcraft gone, I think I will have no choice BUT to focus more on schoolwork. This semester, I think is going to be the most challenging for me yet, and I am determined to get through it, and with passing grades in all of my classes. I am quite certain I can do it, but it is going to require a lot of time outside of class doing class related things, something that I never did too well, which caused me to return to Charlotte in the first place.
I'm not a kid anymore, I just can't sit idly by, and let life direct me. Sure, I believe I am simply in a boat, floating down Life's river, but, I have oars in my hand, and I will make damn sure that I direct myself down the path that is not leading to the waterfall, ending in bone-splitting rocks. I have already had a setback, and should not, will not tolerate any more. I don't need to, I can do better. So I will. I will prove to myself, my mother, and everyone around me that I can do it. That I will make something useful, and productive of myself.

It will happen, just you wait.

It is 0512, as I end this.





-Pineapple

Once again into the mind of Pines.

Happy new year, and Merry Christmas. It's been a while hasn't it Internet? I would agree it has. I blame it on WoW, which, as many of you know, takes over ones life. Why am I not playing now? Because I have commissioned a friend to play for me, to regain motivation to play my main. I guess, I am "grounding" myself from WoW. Oh, and if you do not yet know what that is, it is World of Warcraft. A rather fun, and intriguing online computer game. And I have also recieved an Xbox 360. The world conspires against my schooling, and what a time to do it too! Since this semester I am taking Organic Chemistry 1, and I don't know if you have heard horror stories, but I'm pretty sure this class is the sole source of 17.6248% of Asian student suicide, so it is a dagnam beast. And, I am returning to the genre of class I hate, what at State is called humanities, and here, at UNCC, is called Liberal Studies. Taking a music studies course, and a course on Hinduism. Which is wierd, because what I signed up for was "Global Connections". Not sure what happened in the world, but I had no idea that Global Connections=Study of Hinduism. But oh well, I will go, and roll with the punches, and what they throw at me. This first week was rocky, mainly because I don't have all my books, but they should all be here by Monday, and I will be ready to own and destroy the semester. I am a bit worried about my Basic engineering class, because there is a writing assignment, due in six weeks, with which I will have to put in a lot of thought, time, and research. And that is just not me. It is bad enough that I have to write, for 2 other classes, but, again, I cannot do anything but persevere, and do my work.
My plan is to get Straight A's this semester. And to hang out with a lot more Asians... Ok, maybe not so much the second part. It would be awesome, and I might get smarter, but I feel socially awkward, and would not know how to operate. I am very self conscious, and a people pleaser. I like to make people happy, and don't know how to meet new people. I am afraid to go out there and introduce myself. It's just something I'll have to get over. Or suffer forever with.

Oh yea, And get a job, that's really freaking high on the list too. As well as...some other...stuff.

Alright Internet, I think that is all for now. I will take my leave, and hope to return you sooner than I previously had.



-Pineapple

On the subject of females.

I believe I am rather unlucky/unfortunate. They are all taken, or lesbian. Such is my plight.

That is all, for now.

Hot damn, a problem, an explanation.



-Pineapple

Life Change

I think...That I am not cut out for Mechanical Engineering. I am seriously contemplating switching to a B.S. in Chemistry From UNCC. It seems to me like a cop-out, but I don't think I can handle that right now. Do that and get a Master's in Chemical Engineering or something of the like at State or something, but that is what I am thinking right now. What to you, oh great internet, think?

Oh, and here are the requirements.

The Required Classes.


What Those Classes Mean.


-Pineapple

Hello Internet

It's been a while hasn't it. Well, an update. You won't see me again.

That doesn't sound depressing, doesn't it. But, it's partially true. If you go to NC State, you won't see me attending classes there, at least for undergrad. I was coerced have decided to stay here in Charlotte, and get my Mechanical Engineering here. Which means I essentially wasted a semester here. Taking freaking BS Biology. I just hope to get out of that class with a C, hopefully a B now...
I don't like it, but I still need the support of my parents for a lot of things, and I was informed that that support would go away if I returned, and, I'd be practically a senior before I could matriculate, which we all know is not good. So stay here, start anew, get a job, and work myself to the bone in school. I have got to do well, it is my last chance. And I know I can do it. Do this, and maybe Go back to State for a Masters or something like that.

Once I get a job here, I will be doing my best to visit you cool peeps there at State, you level headed successes you. I haven't told my mother this yet, but I know she expects it. Hopefully, with this, I will prove to myself, and her, that I am not an utter failure. I know she doesn't really feel that, but sometimes it feels like she does.

In the meantime, I've started trading stocks. In Circuit City, Yahoo, and Wells Fargo. Ya'll have any suggestions? Places that are cheap, and may be going up within six months?



-Pineapple

La Quimica es la Vida

I realized this while washing dishes. Because I tend to think when bored and such. And I came upon the conclusion that "Chemistry is Life". Or Life is Chemistry, not too solid on the order, but yea, you should get the drift. I am making pieces up as I write this, the original thoughts will be marked with an asterisk, or an octothorpe...

1. We're organic.

*2.# Life is a series of bonds, made with people or things, and as we go through life, those bonds get broken, but like in chemistry, bonds between molecules (people) typically don't stay broken, they form new ones, with different elements. And yes, I know that life is not as clear cut as chemistry, because you don't lose one friend and gain a stronger bond with another in the same group, so you have to think of the world as the "controlled environment" that the reaction takes place in. That way "the equation is balanced".


Seriously think about it. You're friends from elementary school, if you're lucky, and had the N[2] bond, may still be together, but highly unlikely, that first bond was broken, and replaced with those in middle school. Then another reaction took place, and you where transferred to high school. Add a reaction, and you have post high-school, whether it be the job market, or College. And the process will continue, until you die. It's great if you have an N[2] bond, because I hear that is the strongest natural bond. A triple bond, only a few bacteria can do something with it, on a reaction level that is. But that's hearsay, I did not look up that info for myself.
Yep, some of the randomness I have thought of recently. And I found out another friend goes to UNCC, but I still lack the means to play more people in Magic, or Smash. :(



-Pineapple

How I feel.

This song describes my feelings rather well right now. Not to mention it's pretty good, and I enjoy the artist. A peek into my strange musical preferences this was.


-Pineapple

Things that dashed through my mind this morning.

In no particular order.
1. I'm a dumbass.
2. I'm a leech.
3. Doesn't saving someone from a fall also kill them?
4. I am a roach.
5. I am immature, irresponsible, and unable to make it through as I currently am.
6. Visionary Underground.
7. I need to help myself so I can help others.

Now, I suppose some of these things would require explanation, as they seem rather random, and out there.

Actually, 1 and 5 rather go together. I dinged, dented the truck I drive, and did not tell my folks about it. My mom did not notice it, but my dad, who came home recently, did, and confront me about it. I can't really deny it, and really realize, that this kind of stuff is what gets me in trouble, and I obviously have not learned my lesson. I then told my mom, and she was angry, which is what I thought I was avoiding in not telling her, but I know that she is not angry about injuring the car, but not telling her, because it is hers, and I am obligated to tell her if I have accidents with property that is not mine, as well as not be so afraid of her, and what her reaction will be, to be able to accept criticism and rebuke. That is necessary for life, and can help me be better in life.

Leech, I'm just really a bad person.

I was thinking, that, when someone is freefalling, in cartoons, and superhero shows, person is falling for some reason or another, and death is guaranteed should said person hit the ground, because all of their momentum stops, and is suddenly redirected. They are caught in a "Princess" hold, or cradled or whatever, and they are caught suddenly, and immediately go from going vertically, to going horizontally. They should die anyway, since it is a last minute save.

Being at State, kinda made me accustomed to "darkness" and now that I am at home, there is "light", going to church and all. And I am rejecting it. Inwardly, and, it probably is not good for me, but I don't really care to be here, working and doing labor and getting a lot done before 1100am on a Saturday, as well as missing chilling with friends on weekend nights.

Visionary Underground is a music group, and while cutting the grass today and listening to my iPod shuffle (1st gen.) the song Champagne & Wealth came on. It got me thinking, 1. I'm not yet living life well, and 2. Even though that may be the message of the song, you can not survive as an enlightened hobo in America.

I am not the best condition. However, I enjoy helping others, and trying to assist them with their problems, or maybe I'm just noisy. But I have a lot of problems myself, is it ok for me to try to help others, when I am so messed up myself?


-Pineapple

Adding Yeast, for Levity.

So, as of late, my blogs have been serious, and as some say, depressing. And with good reason, if you've read them, there truly is a lot going on, as well as on my mind, and, yes, I was venting, to you dear internet, because, you will take my abuse, and are an excellent way for me to get my true feelings out in a manner that would be detrimental to my existence should I do what I did in real life.
But in general, I am not at all that serious, I probably should be, but it is not really my nature, or nurture, depending upon your beliefs, or emotions at the time.

I started this one with hopes of saying something witty, or funny, but lack the "juice" to do so. I don't know what's wrong. Oh well, when something worthwhile strikes me, I'll be sure to post.


-Pineapple

Getting more personal than I would have liked.

Well, last night I saw Death Race, and I liked it a lot, I thought it was well done, and superbly executed. However, when I came home, I went to my computer, and well, just sat here. It kinda hit me then. There's nothing for me to do. I am alone here. And I guess that is what I knew, subconsciously for a while, until, completely alone, with nothing but Ronald Jenkees playing in the background that there really is nothing for me to do. I get bored easily, and with school not fully fired up yet, I have just wound up doing the, essentially, same stuff, over and over again. And that get monotonous. I miss the spontaneity of State, and a lot of the random things I could do on campus with friends. I looked through my contacts list last night, and felt that I could not call anyone, they all belong in what may as well be a different dimension. No one to really turn to. The few friends I have here all have lives, or don't have a means to just get up and go somewhere. I may just wind up having to get a degree at Charlotte, but I am still wanting to hold out for State. I'm thinking I should just cut my losses, I'll be too far behind anyway, but I really don't want to. Or mentally can't. And that's an issue that has been brought up many a time, me being immature, and not giving up on the lost cause that is State. But I don't feel I can. Doing that may help me out, in growing, but I won't stop trying, because this feeling simply sucks. Here I will work, and study, and get into better habits. Take a few credit hours, and see if State will have me back. I have to go there, it seems. In order for me not to go insane. And, I KNOW I am blowing this out of proportion, that not going there is not going to kill me, but I really just don't feel right here. I cannot get over that feeling. Sure, it may mean that I am immature, and if that is what it is, so be it. I am immature. I've been called that a lot, and I won't let it get to me. I wasted my time there once, and if I get back, I know how not to do that. I am meant for college, and I will get an engineering degree. I would prefer, and love to get one from NCSU, but if there is no way I can get one from there, then I would be willing to get one from UNCC.

I guess I also need stock market help, so if you know how to do that, and are savvy, and willing to get me savvy-ish as well, that would be appreciated.