A new direction/Needs and wants.

Curse the new president for ruining the word, but things have got to change. For me, personally. I honestly am not worried about the macro scale of things, I just know that things have got to change on a "micro" level, on my own personal level. I don't know what time this blog thing is on, but I am writing this at 0451 EST. I don't really feel sleepy, but I was, about 2 hours ago. Then my mother came and woke me up, complaining about how I am, and basically that I slept, played HALO, and went to bed, without doing the dishes. That was at 0320. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't, so I got up, went downstairs and did the dishes, and straightened up the kitchen a bit. But, back to change, and I guess the best way for me to go about it is to make the list, the other part of the title for this entry.

I want to do well in school.
I need to do my homework.
I want to have fun.
I need to do well in school.
I need to stop playing so many games.
I want to have more of a social life.
I need a job.
I [feel] I need to get out of this house. {That's probably more of a want.}
I want a significant other.
I need to focus.
I need to be more responsible.
I need to grow up.
I need to follow the rules of were I am. {Which is currently with my family.}
I need to do undergraduate research.

There are things getting in the way of some of those. Some are things that are difficult to change, some are near impossible for me, but I don't believe it is completely impossible, so do them I will try my best to.

And I think, one of the major inhibitors, at this point in time, is World of Warcraft. So, I have canceled payment to my account, and the last day I will be able to play will be 2/15. I plan to stop, personally, well before then. I may log on a few more times, and tell the friends I have made there goodbye. And then I will actually erase the folder from my computer, forcing me to not play. If I want to again, I will have to sit through over 10 gigs of downloads on a wireless connection. Thanks, but no thanks, it should not be that worth it to me. With Warcraft gone, I think I will have no choice BUT to focus more on schoolwork. This semester, I think is going to be the most challenging for me yet, and I am determined to get through it, and with passing grades in all of my classes. I am quite certain I can do it, but it is going to require a lot of time outside of class doing class related things, something that I never did too well, which caused me to return to Charlotte in the first place.
I'm not a kid anymore, I just can't sit idly by, and let life direct me. Sure, I believe I am simply in a boat, floating down Life's river, but, I have oars in my hand, and I will make damn sure that I direct myself down the path that is not leading to the waterfall, ending in bone-splitting rocks. I have already had a setback, and should not, will not tolerate any more. I don't need to, I can do better. So I will. I will prove to myself, my mother, and everyone around me that I can do it. That I will make something useful, and productive of myself.

It will happen, just you wait.

It is 0512, as I end this.





-Pineapple

Getting more personal than I would have liked.

Well, last night I saw Death Race, and I liked it a lot, I thought it was well done, and superbly executed. However, when I came home, I went to my computer, and well, just sat here. It kinda hit me then. There's nothing for me to do. I am alone here. And I guess that is what I knew, subconsciously for a while, until, completely alone, with nothing but Ronald Jenkees playing in the background that there really is nothing for me to do. I get bored easily, and with school not fully fired up yet, I have just wound up doing the, essentially, same stuff, over and over again. And that get monotonous. I miss the spontaneity of State, and a lot of the random things I could do on campus with friends. I looked through my contacts list last night, and felt that I could not call anyone, they all belong in what may as well be a different dimension. No one to really turn to. The few friends I have here all have lives, or don't have a means to just get up and go somewhere. I may just wind up having to get a degree at Charlotte, but I am still wanting to hold out for State. I'm thinking I should just cut my losses, I'll be too far behind anyway, but I really don't want to. Or mentally can't. And that's an issue that has been brought up many a time, me being immature, and not giving up on the lost cause that is State. But I don't feel I can. Doing that may help me out, in growing, but I won't stop trying, because this feeling simply sucks. Here I will work, and study, and get into better habits. Take a few credit hours, and see if State will have me back. I have to go there, it seems. In order for me not to go insane. And, I KNOW I am blowing this out of proportion, that not going there is not going to kill me, but I really just don't feel right here. I cannot get over that feeling. Sure, it may mean that I am immature, and if that is what it is, so be it. I am immature. I've been called that a lot, and I won't let it get to me. I wasted my time there once, and if I get back, I know how not to do that. I am meant for college, and I will get an engineering degree. I would prefer, and love to get one from NCSU, but if there is no way I can get one from there, then I would be willing to get one from UNCC.

I guess I also need stock market help, so if you know how to do that, and are savvy, and willing to get me savvy-ish as well, that would be appreciated.

My current state of affairs.

Well, the final nail is in the coffin, and things are finalized. The verdict being: "I am unhappy with my life right now". That is not saying I am in complete and total shambles, but where I am. And to you shapeless internet reading this, as a hope to pry into my inner thoughts, my sacred sanctum, I will release this shocker of information. I knew I was not going to be back. In the fine print of a loan, it said to pay back what does not go to the school of origination. So, I am sorry for those I deceived, as myself was deceived for a time. I tried, maybe not my hardest, and from the get go, but I put effort into it. So now that my fate is sealed, and I am bound to Charlotte, I will make the best of the situation. I will start by getting a job. And I know I had been applying earlier, but I had held out on one key contact, at least until I came back from my State visit. And now, since that will NOT happen in the Fall, I have called, and got the ball rolling, I hope to be employed within 2 weeks. Maybe, just maybe, I can get parole for good behavior(grades), and have a visit in the Spring, but I am, for once, not optimistic about the situation. Mother dearest may not see the importance in me seeing my wolf friends. I know if you don't know me, this is a VERY confusing and random entry, as it really is meant for only a few people, cryptically loquaciously encoded with double meanings and undertones. Or not. But for those who understand the true depth of this stream of consciousness, I am sorry for what I have done, and would like nothing more than to fix it all, and make it better.

-Pineapple

On Academics

Well, it is school time once again, and I, unfortunately am not where I want to be. The optimal place would be NCSU, but I am at UNCC, because of a series of dumb and stupid decisions and actions on my part. I, albeit too late, am trying to right the shtuff I did wrong, and be a better person/student. Man, I sound like a politician now huh? Oh well, it is what is going on, and I am going to prove to my mom, and mostly myself, that I have what it takes to be a successful college student. She has been doubting that recently, and I don't really like that. My plan is to throw the A's in her face like YAHH TRICK, YAHH! And hopefully get her change some of her mind about where I go, because, I really don't see much for me here. Granted, I know UNCC is a good school, it's just not where I feel right at. And I guess it's more of an environmental thing, what to do while not busting my tail with scholastic advancements. So, I will suffer, and in suffering, know that I can change my situation by hard work, and doing what I need to, early. Not just "timely", but as soon as I get the assignment, go back, and diligently work on it, and anything that I do. Yep, that sounds preachy and all, but quite accurate, so I'm sticking with it. Oh yea, and if any of you wants to assist me in my dream, $6200 is awesome. And I promise to get it back to you. When, I honestly cannot say, but it would be after college. After I get out, or, God forbid, am removed from it. But that is my random shot in the dark. Either way, I will take this dark situation, and try to make the best of it.

The first, unoriginal, I know

But, it sums up the feeling and scope of this thing. My first post. A beginning of a journey, and one that I will allow you to view.

I don't like my situation, and if you have a time machine, that'd be great, but that is for a later post.

I like to use stumbleupon.com, and think it's great. I listen to foreign music, or at least music with a distinctive unAmerican flair. I just don't really like a lot of the stuff that's being pumped out here these days, but I guess that's for a later time as well. I essentially started this for a site that I "stumbledupon".

http://www.howmanygoats.com/

It's funny, and cool, and rated me 10/10. I think it's lying, but oh well.

If you comment, I may add more stuff, because I do think a lot, about different things in my life, and I guess I would like to be heard. Ah vell! I'll post again when the urge strikes me