Getting more personal than I would have liked.

Well, last night I saw Death Race, and I liked it a lot, I thought it was well done, and superbly executed. However, when I came home, I went to my computer, and well, just sat here. It kinda hit me then. There's nothing for me to do. I am alone here. And I guess that is what I knew, subconsciously for a while, until, completely alone, with nothing but Ronald Jenkees playing in the background that there really is nothing for me to do. I get bored easily, and with school not fully fired up yet, I have just wound up doing the, essentially, same stuff, over and over again. And that get monotonous. I miss the spontaneity of State, and a lot of the random things I could do on campus with friends. I looked through my contacts list last night, and felt that I could not call anyone, they all belong in what may as well be a different dimension. No one to really turn to. The few friends I have here all have lives, or don't have a means to just get up and go somewhere. I may just wind up having to get a degree at Charlotte, but I am still wanting to hold out for State. I'm thinking I should just cut my losses, I'll be too far behind anyway, but I really don't want to. Or mentally can't. And that's an issue that has been brought up many a time, me being immature, and not giving up on the lost cause that is State. But I don't feel I can. Doing that may help me out, in growing, but I won't stop trying, because this feeling simply sucks. Here I will work, and study, and get into better habits. Take a few credit hours, and see if State will have me back. I have to go there, it seems. In order for me not to go insane. And, I KNOW I am blowing this out of proportion, that not going there is not going to kill me, but I really just don't feel right here. I cannot get over that feeling. Sure, it may mean that I am immature, and if that is what it is, so be it. I am immature. I've been called that a lot, and I won't let it get to me. I wasted my time there once, and if I get back, I know how not to do that. I am meant for college, and I will get an engineering degree. I would prefer, and love to get one from NCSU, but if there is no way I can get one from there, then I would be willing to get one from UNCC.

I guess I also need stock market help, so if you know how to do that, and are savvy, and willing to get me savvy-ish as well, that would be appreciated.

Update

The benevolent overbeing says that, if I get a job, I may visit my friends.

My current state of affairs.

Well, the final nail is in the coffin, and things are finalized. The verdict being: "I am unhappy with my life right now". That is not saying I am in complete and total shambles, but where I am. And to you shapeless internet reading this, as a hope to pry into my inner thoughts, my sacred sanctum, I will release this shocker of information. I knew I was not going to be back. In the fine print of a loan, it said to pay back what does not go to the school of origination. So, I am sorry for those I deceived, as myself was deceived for a time. I tried, maybe not my hardest, and from the get go, but I put effort into it. So now that my fate is sealed, and I am bound to Charlotte, I will make the best of the situation. I will start by getting a job. And I know I had been applying earlier, but I had held out on one key contact, at least until I came back from my State visit. And now, since that will NOT happen in the Fall, I have called, and got the ball rolling, I hope to be employed within 2 weeks. Maybe, just maybe, I can get parole for good behavior(grades), and have a visit in the Spring, but I am, for once, not optimistic about the situation. Mother dearest may not see the importance in me seeing my wolf friends. I know if you don't know me, this is a VERY confusing and random entry, as it really is meant for only a few people, cryptically loquaciously encoded with double meanings and undertones. Or not. But for those who understand the true depth of this stream of consciousness, I am sorry for what I have done, and would like nothing more than to fix it all, and make it better.

-Pineapple

On Academics

Well, it is school time once again, and I, unfortunately am not where I want to be. The optimal place would be NCSU, but I am at UNCC, because of a series of dumb and stupid decisions and actions on my part. I, albeit too late, am trying to right the shtuff I did wrong, and be a better person/student. Man, I sound like a politician now huh? Oh well, it is what is going on, and I am going to prove to my mom, and mostly myself, that I have what it takes to be a successful college student. She has been doubting that recently, and I don't really like that. My plan is to throw the A's in her face like YAHH TRICK, YAHH! And hopefully get her change some of her mind about where I go, because, I really don't see much for me here. Granted, I know UNCC is a good school, it's just not where I feel right at. And I guess it's more of an environmental thing, what to do while not busting my tail with scholastic advancements. So, I will suffer, and in suffering, know that I can change my situation by hard work, and doing what I need to, early. Not just "timely", but as soon as I get the assignment, go back, and diligently work on it, and anything that I do. Yep, that sounds preachy and all, but quite accurate, so I'm sticking with it. Oh yea, and if any of you wants to assist me in my dream, $6200 is awesome. And I promise to get it back to you. When, I honestly cannot say, but it would be after college. After I get out, or, God forbid, am removed from it. But that is my random shot in the dark. Either way, I will take this dark situation, and try to make the best of it.

Ironic

Funny, just stumbled upon this Addiction.

I thought it was Timely.

What to say?

I really don't know, I had plans for this post earlier, but then went to Orientation, and forgot what I had intended to say, so I guess I'll go with a stream of consciousness feel with this one...

I like music. A lot. Well, when I think about it, it may not just be music, but noise that makes sense. That has a meaning to it, a bit of purpose. Not things similar to white noise, to me, it's just not enough, an insubstantial annoyance. Music, or talk radio. I, a college student, realize I do not get enough news, so now that I am home, I am making the effort to listen to more NPR, even scratchy voiced Diane [*sp] Rheame. I am picking up tidbits here and there, working on becoming a better and more informed American. But I still don't really care as much as I should. Back to music... The chill stuff is what I prefer, things that do not need words to draw good feelings. And I find a lot of it, and I like it. People say I'm a chill guy, and then listen to my music, and say, "Oh, I see why." But, why do I have to be chill based off of my music, why can't I be inherently chill, and draw the chill music to me as an outlet of my internal chillness? Silly assumptions.

Man. I'm home, and this sucks. I'd rather be back at NCSU, but I did not do enough. And with that, I give a former place. Should you know where it is. I do plan on going back, and hopefully doing it right this time, and actually stay until graduation. Well, time to do something else. I kinda hate writing, but that's for another blog. Oh, and I guess IF anyone reads these, what would you want to hear about? I don't know if I should give the internet that freedom, but I am, so shoot.

The first, unoriginal, I know

But, it sums up the feeling and scope of this thing. My first post. A beginning of a journey, and one that I will allow you to view.

I don't like my situation, and if you have a time machine, that'd be great, but that is for a later post.

I like to use stumbleupon.com, and think it's great. I listen to foreign music, or at least music with a distinctive unAmerican flair. I just don't really like a lot of the stuff that's being pumped out here these days, but I guess that's for a later time as well. I essentially started this for a site that I "stumbledupon".

http://www.howmanygoats.com/

It's funny, and cool, and rated me 10/10. I think it's lying, but oh well.

If you comment, I may add more stuff, because I do think a lot, about different things in my life, and I guess I would like to be heard. Ah vell! I'll post again when the urge strikes me