Recreational Friends

What are recreational friends? To me, at the moment, they are friends one/I can have fun with. And, I don't mean carnal fun. I mean hanging out with. People I feel comfortable cutting loose and acting a fool with. Someone, some ones who I can be mostly free with, and not really worry about their impression of me, or, feeling I have to watch myself with them. And honestly, I had some great ones, but I left them in Raleigh. Now there are some cool people here at UNCC, but, I feel the need for more. More guys and, even more so, girls to chill with. I miss the fun I would have every weekend. And, I know life is not about fun, the real world will not be parties every night, and free and clear, so I guess that's why I am trying to live it up now, within reason, so that all of these shenanigans will be out of my system, and I can relax, and be a relatively boring, but responsible adult.

I don't know. All I feel right now, is, I need more friends where I am.

This blog took a rather different direction than I had first envisioned. Maybe the next one will listen better.

This semester

Will be extremely tough. Languages are fun, but they require study, and attention. Of course, school does too, but I guess I'm thinking of some sort of facerolling major. Which, I can't think of ATM. And, of course, this is something I needed to be doing all along, but that is beside the point. I plan to do better, try harder than before, mainly because I enjoy what I am doing. And I'm hoping that that will motivate me to do well. And, I will be cutting out 1 distraction, World of Warcraft. Fortunately, I still have xbox! And, well, would also like another distraction. But, that would be another blog for another time, possibly never. I wanna have maybe, something to myself. And some of my closer friends know what it is already.

Spanish, Japanese, and Anthropology. That is my semester, and cause for internal rifts. Because, I know, and have been told, with a major in pure Spanish, getting a job, well, will be difficult. It is more of a complimentary major, and I am being pushed to switch back to Engineering. I do enjoy Engineering, but, I want to get out of school. And if I do Engineering, it would be a while before that could happen. But I also want a good job after I get out.

Maybe I'll graduate, and if I don't get a job, skip the country and teach Spanish in Japan.

Yea, that sounds like a good plan.

I just don't know what to do.

And this is not even talking about my female issues. Or, rather, lack thereof.

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Thinking while Speeding

As I was hurtling through space time at a relative speed of 75 miles per hour per second, (relative, because not factoring in the speed of earth's spin, nor it's rotation around the earth, or even, the apparent expansion of the galaxies) a thought happened in my brain. Not really sure what I was thinking about to get to this particular end game, but it produced the quote:

"Love helps things last, lust keeps things interesting"

And I starting thinking about it, validating it, trying to invalidate it. And, I think , generally, at least, >50% of the time, it is a solid statement. Well, it should be said, this really, at least, in my eyes, applies to relationships, of a romantic basis. And, I figure things go in this general mold.

It all starts with Lust. At least in my eyes, because that's how I tend to view the world. It's all lust, to get you to initiate conversation, that keeps you interested. At least, in the beginning. Then, things either go platonic, or how you "want" it to go, and heads towards romance. Either way, you get to know the person, and if things do go to romance, you either stay in lust, or "graduate" to love. And I know this is all scrambled, but I don't think clearly half the time. Now, when in love, you try to make it work, and hopefully the love goes both ways. And while love is a strong force, in my world, the world of Pines, that can't really be the main, the driving factor. I think that it could, but my world experience, or lack thereof, says that that cannot be ones sole substance. Me, so I project this on others, have to remain interested, and lust is a tool for that. If you lust after the one you love, Things could go that much further. But, if a relationship is built solely on lust, eventually, one MAY find something more interesting, and go on. So you need both, in my eyes.

This makes no sense, but I would like to know what you think on it.

Tabbed Browsing

Right now I'm surfing, hopping between two browsers, with a few tabs open in each.

Why?Because it is a faster way to get to where I want to. While one page is loading, parsing, figuring out something input in it, I look up information on another page, maybe, hopefully I can find something on another page, that will get me where I want, will be what I am looking for in the end.

Will I be tabbed forever? That's not the plan. Hopefully one of these tabs will work for me, and I will be able to enjoy the information on that page. Until then, I'm still looking.

It's been a while.

A long while. And, in case anyone was using this to see if I am alive, well, you may be crazy. But we all need crazy people. They see things in a way that we would not, so in that respect, useful.

I have gone completely off subject. But, things are going along. I'm still making mistakes and being generally stupid as...Umm... sticking your tongue in a socket. Yea, that is an appropriate level of idiocy.

Still single, and what is weirding to me is, while I'm still not fine with it, I don't think having simply fun is as on my mind as much. Maybe it's me settling down, maybe it's me coping. I'm not sure, but, I'll just go with it.

If you're out there, checking my e-vitals, I'm here, and hope to talk on here more, thanks for waiting for me.

In the meantime, grab a bag of Shenanigans, and go for the Platinum alloy.

The Passion of the Pines

I find that a bit funny, at least a little bit, because I believe I have no passion, about anything. You may think that is impossible, but I am quite sure that I do not. I have not much drive for anything, to be specialized in any field. I guess I'll have to say what passion is for me. Passion would be liking something, or wanting something. And then having the urge, the drive, the discipline to act on it. To go out and learn about it, to gain more information about it, and begin to form ones own educated opinions about the subject. To become a small professional about the subject. There are lots of things that I like, and want. But I find I don't really have the drive, I am not passionate enough about them to do something about it. I have friends who have passions, everyone around me seems to have one, or more, and I can see it in their faces, hear it in their voice when they talk about that subject. And I wonder, what am I missing, what do I not have that they do, where did I go wrong?
I can't answer that. But, I think I am ok with my lack of passion. It does make me feel aimless, which I may be, but, I'll figure something out. Probably.

And the blog feels cut short. I lost my train of thought about halfway through. Taxes, and my super-slow comp on the mind.




-Pineapple

Push it forward! NO, PULL IT BACK!!!

This will be an entropic conglomeration of internal and external thoughts about myself, as I pertain to females.
Things I have come to realize, and that have been told to me, and there may [WILL] be more discoveries along the way, so I may be forever editing this blog, or make new ones, and call them chapters.
One thing a friend once told me was that, I am too forward. I have been thinking about it ever since he told me that, a few weeks ago, and, I have come to the conclusion that, he is right. I am not "sneaky" enough. I let my intentions be known too quickly, too easily. Why, I am not sure. It may come from the fact that I don't really keep secrets about myself very well. Everyone else, I am their Fort Knox, but when it comes to me personally, I don't really care, letting things known to people, mainly people I feel can be trusted with the information... I simply don't go telling strangers every and anything, but those close to me, I don't think I tend to keep many secrets about myself, I'm a rather open fellow. I am an open book, and that, may be a reason I am still single. Yes, it all returns to that, but it is something that is always on my mind. And to be honest, at this point, this stage in my life, with how I am now, and how things have wound up, I really do not know if I want a girlfriend, or a friend with benefits. I know my hormones are raging, and I know the "end result" of what I desire, but, what I don't know, is how far "deep" I want to go. Do I want a relationship with a purely and solely carnal basis, or one that has deep significance? And to be honest, I'm not feeling either extreme right now. I would prefer a good friend, someone who I can talk to about problems, and have their emotional load dumped on as well, with a carnal aspect as well. Yea, all those who read this, who I imagine, is actually quite few, will probably be pushed away, unless this was already known. At least, the females.

Oh, actually, they would not be pushed from that, but this instead. My realization about myself. This will not come out to coherent, in my opinion, but I will try my best. And actually, those who know me, probably know this, but I don't think of women as I "should". Well, Pineapple, what on this green earth does that mean? Well, I guess I should say first what I think women "should" be thought as. As people. That wasn't too hard, wasn't it? Now, I do not mean I don't think of women as people. That is far from it. Well frack, this is not coherent at all... But I persevere. If you follow this, kudos. I think only a few will. I guess the easiest way may easily be to say "conquests"? But that is still not right. Dang. Um, stream of consciousness going on here. Most of my female friends, I would have sex with. Most, if you don't know if you are one, your are dense, or I wouldn't :-). I guess that is the easiest way to say it. And I'm pretty sure, the 2-3 who read this, will probably put me on blast...
And I think that is one reason why I feel I have trouble making female friends, because I want to talk to the ones I wouldn't mind... being with, and want to approach them with that in mind, but know that is not the way to approach a female, so I don't. I am thinking back now, and I think all of my female friends, started off as friends of another, or we were in a forced situation together, or a combination of the two. But now, yea, they are great people, and I like talking to them, but because of my mindset, I don't think I can, I have a problem with, having a one on one conversation, as in simply shooting the breeze with them, by myself. I can't talk to them, without thinking of what I would like to happen. Which I know will not happen. Which is I guess depressing, and unhappy. So I don't make female friends, by myself, often. I am always the third wheel in a group, and may, or may not be, introduced to the person.

Something that maybe I should change, but can't. So I stay like this, because, I don't meet any female, on my own, and certainly, none who think like I do. At least I don't think so, because I don't talk about that kind of thing with the female friends I do have, because it is, to me, a taboo area. Yep, I'm fracked.




-Pineapple